How do I look?

How do I look? 

How many times have you asked your friend that question? How many times have you asked family or your partner? Bet you definitely can't count it on one hand can you? 

That is the very sad reality that we seek approval for how we look, when really, all we need is our own approval. Who cares what anyone else thinks? 

You look your best when you're happy, do you know that? Nothing makes you glow like a genuine smile. You could be wearing a bin bag but if you are happy, you will look amazing regardless. 

I'm aiming this post at women, rather than men and that's not to say that men don't feel this way too. I'm sure the majority of what I'm going to say will apply to guys too, but you'll find that, generally speaking, men already have that mentality of 'who cares'. They'll shove on a t-shirt and some nice jeans, possibly a bit of gel in their hair and boom! Perfection. For us ladies, it's a bit more complicated, unfortunately. 

Did you know that in the animal kingdom, it's the male species that look the best? Lion's have their mane, Peacocks have their beautiful feathers (females... Peahens, are brown, grey and cream with white on their bellies), Mallard ducks- the ducks with the green heads are male and the brown ducks are female. This is called sexual dimorphism- the difference between individuals of different sex in the same species. As it turns out, I think it might be the same in our species too. 

Look at how much effort goes into making a guy look good compared to a woman. They don't shave their legs or armpits, don't wax their eyebrows, don't have their nails done, don't spend loads of money on their hair, don't wear make-up, don't change the colour of their skin (tanning)... I'm talking in general though, I know that there are guys out there that do things on that list. So, going by that... are they the more beautiful gender?? 

Basically we were doomed from the start and as the years have passed, women have found new ways to make themselves more beautiful and we've 'had to' go along with it. There will be many, many women out there that go against society and bravo ladies!! But those of us less confident have gone from being completely carefree children, to anxious teens, experimenting with make-up, starting to shave, feeling better with pretty hair and nails and trying to fit in with everyone else... and now we're adults, stuck in beauty routines that we're not going to escape until we're much older. 

It's not a bad thing to look after ourselves and make ourselves feel good, I'm not saying that. My issue is the impossible standards and image we have in our heads- the way we NEED to look. No. You don't NEED to look like that. You NEED to look like you. You need to find that hair style and colour that you love. Have your nails done simply because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. Who cares if you have a layer of hair on your legs or armpits? It's not mandatory, and if you ask your fella... he might not love the idea of you having fur, but you'll find that he'll still love you regardless! They don't bitch behind our backs going 'she's not shaved her legs for like, a month... it's disgusting', they don't care, they have their own lives to deal with. I don't know about you, but I do my legs whenever I feel like it. It's an effort. Same with downstairs, same with my arm pits. I feel loads better when I do shave and everything is all silky smooth (for like, a day... ), but there's no pressure to do it. 

Stop looking at that stunning celebrity or even that old friend from school that you think looks incredible, and look in the mirror. Look at those curves. Look at those pretty eyes! Look at that gorgeous, incredible woman looking back at you and know that you are loved by so, so many people, exactly the way you are right now. Your partner loves you for you. That beautiful soul that's in that body is the person they fell for and that's the person they see. 

That celebrity you think looks so much better than you, has got a team of people working on her day in, day out and because she's in the public eye, she feels she needs to keep those high standards because otherwise, people are going to pick up on her flaws and criticize her. If she knew you, she'd be jealous of you, believe me. You get to simply be you. You get to eat whatever you want and look however you want. You want to change your hair colour and do something crazy? You can do that, she can't. Is there a popular girl from school that you've always been jealous of because she's got a couple of kids now and still looks absolutely amazing and seems to be living her best life? There will be things about you and your life that she envies, I guarantee that. 

Same with mental health and the 'it's okay not to be okay', we need to normalise that however you look, is okay too. I really like this song called 'Most girls' by Hailee Steinfeld. It's basically that she's fed up of hearing that she's not like most girls when in actual fact, she'd love to be like most girls, because we're awesome. She sings about the different types of girls- how some feel best in tiny dresses, some in sweatpants, some in tight jeans, some even like to keep their physique private. All of that is okay! As I said before, if you feel good in your clothes and you're happy, that's when you'll look your best. Doesn't matter if you're wearing a gorgeous dress or a hoodie and joggers, happiness is the key part of looking good. I actually think I look quite cute in my favourite hoodie and a pair of jeans, as opposed to in a gorgeous dress that I feel uncomfortable in. A friend of mine bought a dress covered in books. like a bookcase kind of printed material? It's hard to describe but people would say it's not 'typical clothing'. She sent me a photo of her wearing it and honestly, she looked so happy and she looked amazing. This is a woman that will tell you she's not very confident but just her pure enjoyment from wearing that dress made her look incredible. The clothes we wear need to be chosen and loved by us to make them amazing. If you don't feel confident and good in an item of clothing that you own, get rid. You don't need that negative energy in your life. I've recently read a book by Marie Kondo and she basically tells us that if an item in our home, doesn't spark joy, get rid of it. When it comes to clothes, hold the top/dress/trousers/skirt in your hands and if you don't feel joy, pop it in the charity bag or the bin. At the end of this task, you should have a chest of drawers or wardrobe filled with only clothes that you genuinely love. Whatever you then put on, you will look great in. I had a dress a couple of years ago that I bought because it looked good on the mannequin. When I put it on, I really wasn't sure but I'd bought it so I was gonna wear it regardless. Two close family members told me it didn't suit me. This isn't me seeking their approval, they love me so they wouldn't care what I wore, but because I wasn't confident in it, it was showing so I didn't look great in that dress. Wear clothes that you love and get enjoyment out of and you can't go wrong. 

Now, about your weight. If you are full on, genuinely and completely unhappy with your weight then fair enough, put some on, lose some... whatever you need to do, but I'm telling you now, DO NOT do it because you're seeking approval or feel like people are judging you. You've got to do it for you and only you. I see big women and I never think, oh my, she looks awful! I look at them and think how beautiful they are. I don't know what they used to look like, I don't know what they would look like if they lost some weight, but I never look at a woman and think 'she could do with losing some weight, she'd look so much better'. To me, that is who that woman is and she looks beautiful exactly how she is. Obviously if weight is needed to be lost or gained for health reasons then that's a different story, but as previously mentioned but with the men, we all have our own lives and our own issues to deal with so no-one is judging you and looking at you and thinking about your size. Thankfully, I think we are very slowly starting to come through that tunnel regarding body image and we're seeing a lot of plus size models these days and not just your typical slim, in your face beautiful models- even Victoria's Secret are coming into the new world! This is us starting to acknowledge everyone is different and for any kind of brand, you need to target EVERYONE and for that to happen realistically, you need people in the adverts, people on the posters that people can relate to. 

Life is too short to be focused on your weight. Have a nice balanced diet- get some fruit and veg in there, but eat that bloomin cake if you want that cake! Having a bad day? If chocolate is going to make you happy, eat that chocolate! You don't want to be looking back at your life one day and see yourself miserable, eating a load of green stuff just because you wanted the perfect body that society has made you feel like you've got to have. Your happiness is the most important thing. 

I got to the point earlier on this year when I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. There were a couple of spare tires around my middle and to me, it looked disgusting. I wanted to do something about it. I told my partner the next day that I was going on a diet and he turned around to me and said, 'I hope you're not doing this for me though? I love you for you. I don't care what size you are. Obviously if you become ridiculously big and unhealthy then yeah, I'm gonna have to say something but you're healthy and you're gorgeous so if you're doing this, it better not be for me.' I loved him for saying that but no, it wasn't for him. It was for me. I honestly didn't care that when we got together I was a very slim size 10 and I was at that point heading towards the top end of a size 14- we had and still have a very good relationship and connection, I know he didn't get with me because of how thin I was, it was our joint love of Harry Potter that brought us together and how easy it was to talk to each other and it all just blossomed from there. 

I've been losing weight on my terms though and I think that's how everyone should do it. Eat the healthy things that you actually enjoy eating. Don't cut yourself off from junk, otherwise you'll crack and binge it all in one sitting. Find exercises that don't feel like exercise. I follow a YouTube Channel called MadFit- she's got lots of different styles of workouts on there that are only short so you're not killing yourself for hours at a time. I like her dance workouts that are about 15 minutes each. They definitely get you sweating, I'll not lie, but they're so much fun because they're songs you love. She's even got a One Direction workout (don't judge me!). I also started just walking up down my living room to my own music and doing little dances as I went. I keep thinking about going jogging but there's no pressure. I'm not going to do something that I'm not going to enjoy so I'll give it a go at some point but if I decide it's not for me, I won't do it and I'll stick to the exercises I do enjoy. Don't be making yourself miserable to get that body that you want. You need to make it an enjoyable process for yourself otherwise you'll be wasting precious time being unhappy when you could be having fun. I know which I'd prefer! 

To conclude and sum it all up, stop worrying about what other people think of you. Only do your beauty regimes and make your appointments when you want to. There's no pressure whatsoever. Your hairdresser isn't after your money, she's there, doing a service to make you happy and feel good about yourself. Mine even said to me last time that it's good that I waited a bit cause it happened to be better for my hair. I go when I can afford to and when I want to. Sometimes I can go 6 months without a trip to the hairdressers and when I do go, I'm going to see a friend, have a chat, help pay her bills and get a pamper in the process. She's not fussed and doesn't judge me for leaving it too long. Same with my eyebrows and my nails. You don't NEED to have them done because society says you need to look a certain way. It's a case of wanting them done and having them done because YOU want them done. 

You look your best when you're happy. Find that look that defines who you are. Love your hair purple? Do it! Want brightly coloured nails that people need sunglasses to look at? Do it! Decided you don't want to wear make-up anymore? Do it! Wear the clothes you love. Eat the cake. Eat the fruit and veg you enjoy. Only do the exercises you find fun. 

You've got this, you gorgeous, sexy, smart, funny, incredible woman!! 

Becks xx

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

 Okay, so... I really enjoyed doing my account of 2021 and it got me wanting to write more again so I'm going to start answering a series of questions, just to get the ball rolling again. 

Let's start with where I was 10 years ago and it might give me an idea of what I can achieve in 10 years and give me a clue into where I could be. 

It's the 5th of January 2012. Exactly 10 years ago. I was 17 years old and 11 days off my 18th birthday. The year before, my best friend got engaged, I auditioned for X Factor, went to Wales for our family holiday, watched Kate and Prince William get married, went to T4 on the beach with Sarah and Lauren, and watched the final Harry Potter film. I was in my second year of college, had many crushes on many different boys and I was in the first year of finding out I suffered from anxiety pretty bad. Unfortunately, I wasn't as extensive with my yearly blog posts as I am now so that's all I've got to go on really. 

Who was Becks 10 years ago? 

As I've just mentioned, I was an anxiety sufferer who was scared to do a lot for fear of feeling ill and spoiling outings and events for people. I had many friends but still felt like an outsider and had bouts of mild depression where I didn't want to do anything or see people. I wasn't a confident person. I was friendly and happy enough and up for making memories with friends and family (when my anxiety didn't get the better of me), but I was self-conscious and quite a negative person really. I was just plodding along through life, not knowing who I was or what I wanted. I think I felt a bit trapped really. On a college course, I wasn't overly fond of, but Media felt like the next step, seeing as I enjoyed it in school and I loved film and telelvision. Looking back, it was the right step because I wouldn't have some of the people in my life now if I'd not taken that course and I definitely wouldn't have my Canon 60D if I'd not used one on that course. I learned a lot at college and I don't regret it, I just didn't see that while I was there and I was very much ready for it to be over and done with. 

If someone had told you back then, where you'd be now, how would you have reacted? 

I think I would have liked to believe it but I don't think I actually would have believed it. What I would have been told was: "You're engaged to and live with someone you haven't met yet, but his Dad's family actually own the garage down the road from where you live now. You're actually in a job you love and you've got the best of both worlds- you're doing quite a few hours but because you're starting early, you finish early and you've got all afternoon to yourself. You haven't got your own house, but you're renting one and it's a great house, on a nice, quiet street, and you fell quite lucky with the rent as it's quite a big house for what the rent is. You have a cat called Luna because yes, you still love Harry Potter in 10 years' time. You're a photographer, baker, writer, painter, who still loves reading, watching films, and listening to music. You're a very happy, positive, friendly person with quite a lot of friends. Sarah and you are still going strong even though you live about 100 miles apart (a 2-hour train journey because you still don't drive yet.) and she has 2 little girls now, and she's married to Dean. Your Auntie Susy is now living in Holland! You haven't been to see her yet but you're hoping to this year sometime. That's all I'm going to give you cause you've still got lots to go through and I'm not going to lie, you've got some difficult times ahead but I will tell you this... you're going to be okay. You actually turned around to your Fiance only last night and told him that you're genuinely happy with your life right now, and all that you go through leads you to that night. Good luck Becks! You've got this!" 

As lovely as that message was and there are lots to be hopeful for, 17-year-old Becks would have believed the bit about Sarah, the still loving Harry Potter, possibly the photographer cause she was ALWAYS taking photos... everywhere! I was writing back then so that's not hard to believe, and there was no way I was falling out of love with books and films. The house? Yes. The job part... maybe. Back then I had no idea what I wanted to do or be, other than maybe a wedding planner but I was even doubtful of that. I mean, I don't exactly want to be a picker/packer but I enjoy the job, it's easy and as I said, the hours are great. The early mornings suck. If you'd told me I'd be setting my alarm for 4.20am every day then I definitely wouldn't believe you because I used to sleep until noon back then. I would have laughed in your face if you told me I'd be getting up for work at that time in the morning... ha! Not a chance. Definitely wouldn't have believed or wanted to believe Auntie Susy being in Holland but the same would have been said about Uncle Matt moving to Dubai as well. I'm very proud of them both though and it's given me two wonderful places to go on holiday. Luna, I can believe as well because I've always loved cats. 

Now, the Fiance would have me dubious, especially someone I didn't even know back then! I was a massive flirt back then and fell in love very easily, or what I thought was love anyway. I must have had crushes on about... 6 guys? Some of whom I probably could have seen a future with but yes, I may have been a flirt but that was all. A relationship or intimacy scared the eff out of me. It would have taken an extra special guy to actually land me, not in the sense that I was too good for anyone, no, I mean I had major trust issues and didn't feel comfortable with guys apart from flirting and maybe the odd kiss caught off-guard. I always said my future husband would need to love me for me. I'm weird, and silly and have my daft little moments and I was terrified of being with someone that was going to look at me and judge me, rather than laugh with me. It would need to be someone who accepted me for exactly who I am. Someone who had similar tastes in film and music, someone I felt completely comfortable with. I wanted to be myself, like and do the things I love, and have that person just slot perfectly into my world. Little did I know, I would actually have that someday. 

Have I missed anything? Oh yeah, being a baker. Yeah, no way I was going to believe that. I screwed up making cheese on toast back then, no way I could bake something. I wasn't very confident in the kitchen, at all. 10 years later though, here I am, with brownies as a signature thing I do, and today I mastered some cookies after failing the past couple of times. I've done cupcakes, loaf cakes, biscuits, shortbread, rocky road, different versions of each, and the brownies. I love baking and creating things to eat! Painting was the same. I got like, a C or D in art at GCSE so I don't think I would have believed that either. 

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Okay, so, we're here now. I might do a little prediction thing. Say my 37-year-old self comes to tell me this...

"You're 37. You now have your own home with Aiden. Unfortunately, Luna passed away 3 years ago but Lily, the kitten you're going to get this year, is still here and you rescued a friend for her last year (2031), called Lavender. Yeah, you still like Harry Potter so you wanted to keep to the L's and Harry Potter-themed names. You've got a studio set up in one of the rooms in the house, for your photography. You mainly do portraits. You also go out and do photoshoots on location. You've published one book. You want to do another but haven't gotten around to writing it yet. It did take you a while to do the first one, but it was worth it because it actually did really well and quite a few of your friends love it. You're still at Tesco, simply because it just works so well around everything else. Yes, people still want their food delivered in 10 years' time. Here's the shocker... you've got a 3-year-old boy. Yes, I know you and Aiden weren't planning on kids but it happened and he looks just like his dad. You're still a very happy, friendly, bubbly person and you've had many wonderful adventures in the past 10 years. 2025 was a good year for adventures. And 2024 actually, when you turned 30, what a year that was! Here's the thing that won't shock you... You and Sarah are STILL going strong, making it 30 years of being friends this year in June. You finally passed your driving test in 2023 and you're now driving a... actually, you can wait and see but you're going to love it. I'll leave you with that. You're going to face some pretty difficult times, I won't lie, but that's life I'm afraid. On the other hand, though, you're going to have some really incredible times too! I can't wait for you to go through those good times!! You've got a wonderful 10 years to come. Good luck. You've got this!" 

There we have it. That's my answer to the question. That's where I see myself on the 5th of January 2032. I'm very curious as to how accurate that's going to be! 

I've really enjoyed writing this so, yep, I'm going to continue with more questions during the month and the new year. Watch this space!! 

Becks x

2021

 Well, I better start with a quick re-cap of 2020 seeing as I didn't do a post for it last year...

It sucked. The end. 

Just kidding, well, I'm not but I'll go into a little more...

Honestly, it was like life had become a disaster film. You see these films and think 'one day that could happen though' but deep down you're thinking, 'yeah right', but last year, it happened. It all started quite low-key drama, like, it's not going to affect our lives (in different countries other than where it was happening) and it'll all blow over and that'll be that, kind of thing. Early February, we were hearing about this virus that sounded quite bad in China. By 'quite bad', I mean, there were videos going round of people being chucked into the back of vans and in some bad cases, being shot and killed, and they were having to wear masks. I remember we got an e-mail through from Tesco family dining, telling us about Covid-19, but it's not over here yet so don't worry about it. Within a month, there were cases in Sheffield and then it gradually got worse and worse, hospitalising people and in March, the country was put into a nationwide lockdown. All unessential businesses had to close, people had to work from home wherever possible, a new thing called 'furlough' was put into place so that people who couldn't go to work could still be paid, people were panic buying and emptying the shelves, we weren't allowed to see family and friends indoors, had to keep 2 metres apart from everyone at all times... it was crazy times. It was very surreal and I think I can speak for everyone when I say we never thought something like that would happen in our lifetime. But I bet no one thought other pandemics would happen either so it was simply our turn to be tested and fight against the unknown for our survival. Many, many didn't make it. 3 people I know, passed away in the past year because they lost their battle with Covid. It was a horrendous year and unfortunately... it's not over. 

2020 may have come to an end in days but all the crap followed through (as it were) into 2021. I had my first ever Lockdown Birthday. I wasn't allowed out other than to do essential shopping so no birthday meal, no birthday gathering, no seeing family and friends, it was just me and Aiden stuck at home having a chill day. As if having a birthday in January wasn't bad enough already?? But, I still got all dolled up and made the most of my day, Becks style. 

The end of January brought some happy news though as my second niece (my best friend, Sarah, her daughter), Charlotte, was born... 

Oooh!! One good thing came out of 2020, amongst many others I'm sure, I FINALLY left the cafe and started working on dot com in Tesco. So, I may not have made it actually out of the building but I honestly love dot com and I'm so much happier and have a lot more free time to focus on the things I love doing, rather than stressing and worrying about the cafe all the time and working a million hours. 

Anyway, back to this year. With everything going on with Covid, it was hard to make resolutions for this year so I kept it simple; make a roast dinner and read 10 books. Both of which I have achieved and I have done many more roast dinners since making my first one in February on Valentine's day. I have focused a lot more on art this year, starting off with paintings of trees with multi-coloured leaves back in February. I managed to get 2 commissions as well! And then in March I branched off (get it... trees... branched off...) into another form of art called fluid art or more commonly known as paint pouring. I love it. I've not done any for a few months now but I'll go back to it again next year. It's just so easy and simple to do and each painting is unique. 

 That's one I did for the bedroom.

I got a bit more into my photography and baking in March and then in April we started to see the rules easing for lockdown so I ventured out and spent a bit more time with friends outdoors- beer gardens, meals, and catch-ups with a cuppa in my own garden, that kind of thing. 

In May I finally got to meet Charlotte and also Sarah and I exchanged Christmas presents (and my birthday presents). We went out for a meal which at that point had to be outside as pubs and restaurants were only allowed open again if they could serve customers outside. One of our locals had done their beer garden up and put lights and heaters out there and made it wonderful for eating out, so that's where we went. I also managed to get down to Weston for the first time since January 2020, and again, exchanged Christmas presents and had a lovely time together. I went back to the cinema for the first time since... goodness knows when to watch Cruella with Mel. It was strange to be back as the conditions and rules were different (wearing masks until you're sat down, having to go out the fire exit.) but some actors and actresses had done a short video that they were showing before the film, saying welcome back and how we've missed the cinema and what we've been through the past year, etc... it was actually quite moving for a film buff and it really was good to be back, I HAD missed it. Before seeing Cruella, Mel and I went for breakfast at the Harvester and my gosh I'd missed eating out as well! You know that saying about you don't realise what you've got until it's gone? We all realised how much we take for granted on a daily basis and I for one am not going to take things for granted again, including the luxury of eating out. 

June brought us Euro 2020 and kick-started an amazing summer! One that we definitely all needed, that's for sure. 

You will always get the people that can't stand Football and have nothing positive to say when it comes to the big Football events but it was very easy to ignore their negativity this year because it honestly felt like the whole country came together and was just on this amazing adventure with the England Football Team. We were great! The number of times I heard 'It's coming home' or 'Vindaloo' was insane. England made it all the way through to the final in July, against Italy, but unfortunately, we lost due to the penalties and Italy took the title of Euro 2020 champions/winners. What a great time we all had though! I watched the final with Aiden, my brother Ryan, my friend Kirstie and we did a video chat with Julie (Aiden's mum, in case you don't follow my posts) so she was with us virtually. I even made cupcakes with the England flag on, I was very into it all. Yes, we may have lost but we gained a lot of memories with family and friends along the way to the final. 

I had lots of other adventures in July, now that things were pretty much back to normal. I met up with Sophie in town and had food and did some shopping after not seeing her for a while. I photographed my first pole dancing event. Mel's pole dancing group was doing a recorded showcase in the studio so I was asked to come along and take photos. It was really interesting to watch! I admire their courage and strength! 

Aiden and I hosted a Rainbow party, which was supposed to be to celebrate the end of Covid but it was a bit premature as it's still with us. Why a Rainbow party? Because while in Lockdown 1, Rainbows were the nation's theme... the calm after the storm? Hope for brighter days. Yes, it was that bad for us, and still isn't great. Anyway, we just so happened to have it on the hottest day of the year with temperatures reaching up to 38 degrees. It was madness! So, me not being a lover of Summer, stayed inside for the majority of the party but regardless of the heat, it was soooo good to be back having fun and making memories. Sarah stopped over for the weekend as well which was nice, so we had lots of bestie time. 

Aiden and I also celebrated 6 years together on the 15th of July and went out for a meal. 

 Our annual anniversary photo.

August brought more happy times and Kirstie and I started the month off at The Great British Food Festival being held at Hardwick Hall. Not being massively into food and drink, I thought it was a bit pricey for the entry but I could see how big food and drink lovers could have spent the whole day there. There were lots of stalls and lots to see and do so we did have a lovely afternoon and came away with lots of sweet treats! 

I saw my first film alone! The Last Letter From Your Lover had been advertised and I said as soon as I saw it, that's not really Aiden's cup of tea and no one else I know has read the book like I have, so I'm going to go and see that on my own. I don't know why, but I'd never seen a film on my own before and I'm at a point in my life now where I really don't care about what anyone else thinks so if I'm sad for seeing a film alone, I don't care! I loved it! Because it was also the first showing of the film at our cinema, the first day it was out, I had the whole screen to myself. It was great. 

I think that was the first in a few bold moves in August. I decided to go from being a redhead to a blonde which was quite a change. The weekend before Aiden's birthday, his Dad, Mick, took us and Aiden's brother Tristan to Derby and we all did an escape room together. Another bold move as normally my anxiety would go absolutely crazy, especially being 'locked' in a room and having to figure your way out, but it was a f*ck it thing and I just did it. We finished with 43 seconds left on the clock! I'll give you the gist of the room but not details in case someone reading this goes and it'll spoil it. Basically, you begin in a room that's some sort of base and you've come to investigate because there have been some strange signals coming from there... out of space kind of weird signals, and you end up in another room and yeah, you have to figure out how to get out. I'm not doing it justice but it was fun. 

It was Charlotte's thanksgiving service in August too and I was made her sponsor (sort of like her godmother), that was a lovely event! 

Auntie Claire turned 50 on the 18th so we went down to Weston to celebrate with her- she had a house party which was good fun. 

Mum had her birthday on the 26th so we went for a meal at six halts... our first family meal since... I can't remember when! Ryan and I had gone halves on a Grogu (baby Yoda) plush and a Grogu balloon which as I'm writing this, is STILL floating. 

In September I'd seen a post on Pinterest using Mod Podge to transfer photos onto wood slices so I thought 'ooh, that'll make good Christmas presents for this year'. It all arrived and I tried but failed and was left with a couple different kinds of Mod Podge, as well as 50 wood slices. Now what? So I looked on Pinterest again for some inspiration and I ended up doing these...

They actually ended up being so popular, I needed to order another 50! So I'll be doing them next year as well I think. 

Aiden and I went to the cinema to see Free guy, I went with Kirstie for a day out in Matlock for her birthday, I had a night in with Luna, watching films and having Chinese (none of the Chinese for Luna though) while Aiden was at a wedding, we went to The Oriental Pearl for a meal for Kerrie's birthday and then for the main event of September 2021- me, Mum, Tracy, Marie, Becki and Michelle did a 10k walk around Chesterfield, 10pm-1.15am, for the annual Sparkle Walk to raise money for Ashgate Hospice. What an event! It was great! It was tiring but the whole theme of the sparkle walk is pink and sparkly so I was right in my element! What a lovely bunch of women to walk with as well. (Michelle had her own group to walk with but it would have been lovely to have walked with her too) 

We ended up raising about £520 between us. 

Aiden and I had booked to go to Skegness for a week in October. About 3 days before we were due to go, I got an e-mail from booking.com saying that my booking had been successfully cancelled. I'm sorry? Successfully cancelled!? I hadn't cancelled it! So I was straight on the phone, trying to ring the hotel to find out what was going on but it just kept ringing through. I managed to speak to someone through customer service on booking.com and it turns out the hotel had to close. Well, I was looking at other hotels but nothing was speaking to me like the other one had (I'm a bit picky with hotels) so Aiden and I sat there that evening and just contemplated even going to Skegness at all. We both had the week off though so I still wanted to go somewhere but where? Mick phoned Aiden after he'd seen my post on Facebook and said to us that wherever we wanted to go, he'd drive us and pick us back up again. Cancel the train and start looking for somewhere else that you want to go but even if it's Skeg, I'll still drive you there and back. What a saint! So that itself saved us about £80 and then we'd decided we'd just go somewhere Tuesday to Thursday, instead of the whole week. Mick suggested York and I absolutely love York so I was up for that anyway but Aiden isn't too keen on city breaks but I turned and said to him, 'trust me, you'll like this city'. As it happened, Sarah's husband Dean was away in Germany so Sarah would be spending her birthday alone with the girls so I suggested she come to meet Aiden and me in York and spend the day with us instead. It was a lovely few days away and I was happy that I got to show Aiden what a wonderful and beautiful city York is. We did the Railway Museum and walked around the city walls and just had lots of quality Becks and Aiden time. And of course, it wouldn't be a trip to York for us if we didn't go to the Harry Potter shop! 

We finally got to see No Time to Die, the latest Bond film, and Daniel Craig's last, which we took Mick to as a thank you for taking us to York and back. Straight after that, we had an engagement party as Aiden's friend Josh had already arranged it to surprise his Fiancee Rebecca, 

I had my first outdoor cinema experience with my friend Laura and her friend Laura (I know, confusing!) and it also happened to be my first time watching Hocus Pocus too! It was a great event! It was held at Vicar Lane in chesterfield where they had a big screen on the side of one of the buildings and a wide-open space, where they'd arranged chairs and beanbags for everyone. Yes, it was cold, but I'd not quite thought about what I was wearing (jeans) so if I'd wrapped up a bit more it would have been perfect so that was on me. I did take a blanket with me though so I tried to keep warm with that and really enjoyed the whole experience. 

Halloween Weekend was fun-filled. First, a family photo shoot that I photographed at Hardwick and then to celebrate 20 years since the first Harry Potter film came out, they were showing Philosopher's Stone at the cinema! So, of course, Aiden and I went to that! It was amazing seeing it on the big screen again! I was living in Weston-Super-Mare and I was 7 years old when the first film came out! Then, on the 30th we carved our pumpkins and had hot chocolate and on the 31st, I'd made purple cupcakes with bright green icing and purple sprinkles and I also did us a little buffet while we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. What an awesome month! 

I started November by completing one of my resolutions- to read 10 books in 2021. I'm such a slow reader so even just to read 10 books in 12 months is an achievement for me, let alone do it in 11! On the 11th, Sophie and I went to Meadowhall to do some Christmas shopping. We were overwhelmed and very emotional when it was time for the 2 minute silence. Meadowhall had done an announcement to all meet in a specific part of the shopping centre to do the 2 minute silence together, and honestly, you could hear a pin drop, it was amazing. As it turns out, we also went to Meadowhall, Christmas shopping, 6 years ago on the 11th of November as well! A lot has changed for us both in those 6 years! Sophie now has 2 kids and she's getting married next year and I'm in a different job, Aiden and I are engaged and living together with our fur baby, Luna. 6 years ago if you'd told me this is where I'd be, I'd have probably not believed you cause 21-year-old Beck wasn't a very positive person and didn't think she'd ever find someone to settle down with. 

I had a lovely catch-up and meal at Six Halts with Sarah, a couple days after seeing Sophie and then the day had arrived for the Chesterfield Christmas light switch on! Kirstie and I had been looking forward to it and keeping an eye out for the date since early October as last year, with Covid being so bad and all the rules in place, Chesterfield wasn't able to do a Christmas light switch on. I'd only been for my first one in 2019 and really enjoyed it so it was such a shame that they didn't do it last year. This year though, Kirstie had said to invite Ryan and then because Mum was in the room when I asked, she said 'What about me?' so she was going to go with her friend Marie and meet us all there. The day before we went, Marie got Covid and couldn't come so me, Mum and Ryan all went in Kirstie's car. They'd really gone all out for it! There was a carousel, lots of food vendors, the market was on and some of the shops stayed open longer. They'd set up a stage on the far side of town where the big Christmas tree was and what a turnout! You couldn't move! I mean, it really wasn't great with Covid still being around but it was so lovely seeing everyone out to support the town and being present for the light switch on. The countdown began and then as if by magic, all the Christmas lights in town all came on at once and it was wonderful. 

One of the not-so-great things about my job on dot com is that I'm only on a 7.5-hour contract so when the overtime gets cut, that's when the majority of my hours get cut too. That meant that during November, there was a point when I was off for 10 days straight but only getting paid for 2 days. That being said though, yes the pay was dismal, but I also had 10 days off! The month before, I'd bought a Christmas backdrop to do some Christmas pictures of close family and friends so, during those days off, I got some photoshoots done, and then off I went to Catterick to see the Wood family for a couple days. I try and go every year around the same time to go and see Sarah but again, because of Covid, we couldn't do that last year. 

I ended up having a mini adventure on my way there. The train was quite full when I got on at Chesterfield so I ended up sitting with a lovely 81-year-old lady called Eileen who was on her way to the coast, near Scarborough, to see her sister for a few days. We chatted all the way there, telling each other about our families and where we were off to and what we were going to do for Christmas, and then when the train was coming into Darlington we said our goodbyes and headed for the doors... which didn't open. The train then did its few little beeps and set off again!! Eileen and I just looked at each other baffled and a little worried, and then slightly annoyed as the train had left our destination station without dropping us off first. I phoned Sarah, who had been waiting for me on the platform, and told her that we'd got to the doors and they didn't open for us and we were now on our way to the next station, which happened to be Durham. She told us to get off there, tell one of the station staff members what had happened, and then hopefully they'll put us on the next train back again. Don't get me wrong, I would have panicked but I would have been fine alone, but I'm glad Eileen was there and that we had each other on our little adventure to Durham. 20 minutes later we arrived at the Durham station, got off (we made sure we were all ready at the doors), and went to speak to a member of staff. He said that it didn't stop long in Darlington like it does in the larger stations and that the train was already running 11 minutes late so the driver would have been in a hurry to set off again. He told us which train and which platform we needed and told us that if anyone asked, we were an 'overcarry'. Back we went on the next train, and 20 minutes later we were in Darlington again. We said our goodbyes again (Have a lovely time with Sarah and the girls... have a lovely time with your sister), and I went to find my best friend and Niece on the other side of the barriers on the platform. 

The rest of the trip was lovely- we went to the York Christmas market, watched some Christmas films together, went around the shops in Catterick, and then a couple days later it was time for me to go home again. No little detours this time. 2 hours on the train and then 45 minutes on the bus, I was home. 

A few days later we had some snow and it worked out so perfectly! Sunday the 28th, I'd been to work and then come home and was just chilling before going to meet the Jackson family for a Christmas photo shoot at Holmgate Pond. Laura messaged me and told me that the pictures were going to look great as... it's snowing! It was only a little bit at that point but yes, it was going to look great on the photos. Little did we know, by the time we all arrived at Holmgate pond, the ground would be completely covered and there was several centimetres worth of snow! It was magical. You'd have thought I'd made some sort of deal with God and Mother Nature to be able to do a Christmas photoshoot with actual snow. Laura and I just couldn't believe what we were seeing and doing, it was amazing. Take a look for yourself...

I mean... wow.

And that finally brings us to December. 

We'd been talking about it for about a month, about going to Nottingham Christmas Market as a family, but the opportunity just hadn't arrived, until the 5th. I was meant to be doing another photo shoot so when Mum suggested the previous day, that we go the next day in the afternoon, I had to decline as I was already busy with the shoot. They'd have to go without me. Later in the evening, Mel messaged me and apologised but we'd not be able to do the shoot because her little sister had football. No need for apologies! I could go to the market! Sunday afternoon we left for Nottingham, stopping at Phoenix park to catch the tram into the city centre. It was wonderful. We had a lovely afternoon just the 4 of us, which we'd not done for a long time- a family outing just Mum, Dad, Ryan and me. We looked at some stalls, went into some shops, and then finished off with some Churros and chocolate sauce before catching the tram back again. 

5 days later we were off again, as a family, down to Weston-super-mare for our pre-Christmas tradition with Mum's side of the family. Uncle Matt had managed to come over from Dubai to surprise Grandma and then stay for our little Christmas too which was great as we'd not seen him since Grandpa's funeral last January (2020). It was a wonderful day of food, love and laughter. Lots of laughter... we played a game called Accentuate which I was completely terrible at as I can only do select few accents, and then we went on to play Cards Against Humanity, which, anyone else who's played it will know it's ridiculously hard to play that and not laugh anyway. Especially, when you're playing it with your grandmother!! And relatives that have known you since birth! We even do each other pound presents to open which has always been one of my favourite parts of the evening, I mean, who doesn't like presents!? And with the challenge of the gifts having to be a pound (in value, not weight), it makes it quite interesting to do and to recieve. I'd done some thoughtful gifts this year- I'd done 3 personalised wood slice tree ornaments for Auntie Claire, Uncle Brian and Kalani, pictures in frames for Grandma, Mum, Ryan and Uncle Matt and then Dad got two 50ps so he could use them when pumping up the tires! We made some wonderful memories as a family that weekend which will be treasured always.

The yearly, dreaded, 4am starts at work, started on the 19th. Alarm on for 2.20am so I can have a little something for breakfast and then get ready and walk to work with Michelle. It was tough. I barely got any sleep the first night because I kept waking up, worried my alarm hadn't gone off and I'd not make it to work in time. We finished at 8.15am on the first morning so that was very strange, leaving work and walking the empty streets (it was a Sunday morning), going home at that time and having done a shift. I had a day off on the Monday and then it was back to it again on Tuesday till Thursday. By Thursday we were soooo ready to finish for Christmas! We finished about 9.30am and then I headed home and had a nap until 1.30pm. Got up, had some food and started getting ready for our dot com night out to celebrate the end of the year (and the 4am starts!). It was a great night. We (Michelle, Georgia, Beth, Donna, Vicky and me) started with some food in The Three Horseshoes and then met the rest of the team and had some drinks. Sarah and Dean had come down for Christmas so they popped in to see me and meet some of my colleagues. Didn't stay out too long as, yes I did have a nap, but I had been up since 2.20am so I was a bit tired still. 

Christmas eve, Aiden and I spent the day binging on food and watching Christmas films, finishing the day with our Christmas eve tradition- watching Polar Express and drinking hot chocolate. 

Christmas day had finally arrived!!! I love Christmas. I actually prefer the build up to Christmas- the markets, decorations, lights, baking Christmas treats, doing Christmasey activities with family and friends, the smells. Christmas day just goes so fast! We started the day watching The Snowman and opening our presents before Mick and Tristan popped over for a bit. Tristan then took Aiden and I to Julie's and I opened my presents from her, had some giggles and a chat and then Mum picked me up to go to their house for Christmas dinner. Dad and I went and fetched Aiden a bit later on and brought him back to Mum and Dad's for a coffee and a Christmas game before we both headed home to watch Christmas Chronicles. 

Boxing day was another chill day of food and films, and then in the afternoon, I popped round to Mum and Dad's to see Grandma and Grandad for a few hours, as they'd come over for tea.

Back at work on Monday. Tuesday we went to the cinema with Aiden's cousin Emma, Jay that I knew from the cafe, and her boyfriend Aiden, to watch the new Spiderman film. It was amazing!! I have a naughty crush on Tom Holland so I also liked it just for him but the film was really good too with lots of twists, turns, and tragedy. 

The rest of the week was spent tidying and sorting each room of the house, ready for a nice clean start on the 1st. 

On New Year's Eve, we had a nice long lie-in to set us up for the late-night ahead. A few days earlier we started watching the series 'Castle', so we did a few episodes of that before I went and dolled myself up for my annual photo in front of the tree with Luna... 

And I wanted to look good just for New Year's Eve anyway. We had food and then I sorted and tidied the front room. It's a tradition of mine to watch the film 'New Year's Eve' on New Year's Eve so we watched that together before having tea in the evening. We played some games on Aiden's new switch which was fun and played our new Ultimate Harry Potter quiz that we'd received for Christmas and then it was time for the countdown! We put Sky on, who were filming live in London. The countdown started on The Shard and then... nothing. The camera crew had no idea what was going on, the reporter seemed to have disappeared... it was a sh*t show. We gave up and went to watch the fireworks of Danesmoor instead which DIDN'T disappoint. I saw a bit later on that I think they ended up doing some sort of light show in London like they did last year but oh well, I was happy with the live fireworks in our village instead. 

And that was 2021! To say Covid was still part of our lives all year round and there were still parts of the year that sucked, there were many, many more times that didn't suck. I had a lot of fun with my nearest and dearest, making memories that will last a lifetime. I learned some new creative skills and ended up reading 1 more book than I'd set the target for. I finally have a really good work and life balance going on as well, thanks to my new jobs and the hours I work. 

For this coming year, I've done more of a 'To do' list, rather than resolutions. There are a couple restaurants that I've been saying I want to go to and still haven't so they're on the list. I need to use my slow cooker because I've had it for about 3 or 4 years now and STILL not used it. I started writing a book 3 years ago so I want to crack on with that. I want to go camping with Aiden, read 12 books, get a kitten, learn to cross stitch, make a pie, try new recipes and I suppose one resolution I've carried through from the previous year is to just live... jump at chances and opportunities and have fun. 

Happy new year everyone! I hope this next year is filled with lots of laughter, love, health, happiness, and fun!! Thanks for reading about my year! 

Becks x