Dust If You Must
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.
Rose Milligan
On Thursday the 5th of July I met with my old colleagues from The Tea Room to say goodbye to a friend. Her name was Teresa Stansfield. She'd been in Ashgate hospice, in and out for a good few months but I had no idea. One day Mo posted a picture on Facebook of Teresa in what looked like a hospital bed with a glass of Bailey's in her hand. I commented saying that I hoped she got better soon and I then got a text from Mo telling me that she wasn't going to get better and that Teresa had pancreatic cancer and it was spreading. Mo told me that she visited Teresa every day so I asked if I could come along with her one day. We arranged it for one Thursday after I'd finished work, and I met Mo in town to give me a lift there. Teresa was still herself, very funny and cheeky and lots to talk about and she listened, with Mo, about the things that were happening in my life and it was lovely to see her again. Little did I know, this would be the last time I ever saw her.
On the 18th of June, I was sat at the work desk having my break when I got a text from Mo telling me that Teresa had passed away that morning. I sat there thinking that only the other day I thought to myself that I needed to text Mo and see when I could go and see Teresa again but I was too busy at the time, with work.
The funeral was at Chesterfield Crematorium at 12.50pm. I went with Mo, Kirsten, Bronach, and Heather. It was a very hot but beautiful day and all the flowers were in bloom in the crem gardens and there were even some butterflies fluttering about. The service was lovely and I got to hear all about Teresa's life and how well she lived it with things said like, 'Teresa had so much energy for living her life to the full' and, 'She lived a life rich in experiences'.
A week or so before the funeral I'd been thinking seriously about my life and the things that I want to do. I don't want to be stuck in this little town just working, eating and sleeping, I want to get out there, see the world and live my life. I'd had a very serious conversation with Aiden about our future and our lives together. We're very different in what we want out of life and he felt that he'd hold me back if we stayed together, but after much discussion and realising that we'd both be miserable and find it incredibly hard to live without each other, we agreed to stay together but stick to my plan of living.
So as I'd already been thinking so much about life beforehand, being at Teresa's funeral and hearing about her life just added fuel to the fire and made me very... not jealous as such, more... just that I want that life for myself. She traveled, had good and varied careers, a family, wonderful friends and a wild passion for life. The poem at the top of the post was read out at the end of the funeral and that was just the cherry on the cake as it were. The last piece to my puzzle. It spoke so loudly to me (especially the part about books and music!) and really hit home with how I'd been feeling, like this was Teresa's way of telling me that I need to follow that gut feeling I've been having and I need to really start living my life to the full and follow in her footsteps.
I've also been reading Me Before You, which is what actually kick-started the notion in the first place. In the book (and film) Will is a quadriplegic but before his accident, he lived. He would travel all over the world, go out and do things and he was the owner of a very successful business. Lou is hired to look after Will. A small town girl living a small life. She's never been out of the country and doesn't really do much either. Will and Nathan, Will's other carer, even had a bet on one afternoon as to what she would be doing on that Friday night when she got home, either watching tv or reading a book and she wasn't best pleased when she found out because it made her sound so boring. Will's mission as such, is to make Louisa live her life. Get her doing things she wouldn't normally do and make her more adventurous. One day, after being out somewhere, Will tells Lou to pull over and dares her to go and have a tattoo done in the tattoo shop. She does but also makes Will have one too. She comes out with a cute little bumble-bee on her hip.
My best friend of 16 years (Sarah) has also read the book and we saw the film together at the cinema. She loves the book and the film, as do I. We've been trying to decide on a tattoo to have together for years but have never managed to settle on anything.... until now. We've decided to have a cute little bumble-bee, with a little trail and 'EST 2002' next to it to mark the year that we met. The bumble-bee will symbolise and represent the book and will be there to remind us to live our life to the full and be as if it's Will encouraging us. (We're having it on our ankles though instead of our hips but we'll still know the meaning behind it.)
So... my advice for this post is to listen to that poem!! Don't look back at your life and see yourself cleaning and tidying and being all responsible and serious all the time. Have fun, get out of your comfort zone, go and see the world, buy those tickets, have that tattoo, see your friends, see your family, make memories, be creative and make things, read books, listen to music, go for walks... the list goes on and on. Just do something!! Make every day count.
I've already decided on London, Paris, and Dubai next year and who knows what else awaits now that I have a new found sense of life and adventure! Stay tuned ;)
Becks xx
